oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
