I faked an abortion last night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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