Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
