Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
