god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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