I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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