Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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