I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
