lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
