it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
