i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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