Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
