she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
