Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
