He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
