Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
