Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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