its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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