You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
