ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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