oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
