I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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