I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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