my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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