I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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