Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
