I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize