She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
