Fuck appropriateness.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
