i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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