yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
