Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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