everyone is single if you try hard enough
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
