I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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