the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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