i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
