Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
