Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
