get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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