guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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