K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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