and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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