I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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