Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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