Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
