all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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