How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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