dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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