Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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