I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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