well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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