I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
