I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
