Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize