there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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