he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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