just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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