Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
