Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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