Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
