is your mom at the bar?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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