Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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