My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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