Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
