dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
