Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
