he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
