can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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