So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
