Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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