dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
