There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
