And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
