Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
